I fell hard for you

Cold shoulder turned towards me

I diluted my mind with small gestures

All I received in return was avoidance

Indifference when we passed

Friendly in forced time together

Now I’m left longing after what would never happen

Left with all my wasted time

You will never know who I am

Never given the chance for my star to shine

You’re just another person who shuts me down

Stifling myself because I thought I was in love

You’re not sorry that you don’t even want to be friends

I miss your smiling hellos

All you offer is a nod at best

What happened to tact?

You turned out to be someone else

Still I hung on to the hope

I should have known better

No one ever truly cares for me

Why couldn’t you just say so?

Why did you just ignore me?

That’s what killed me most of all

Not knowing who you were going to be when I saw you next

Warm and welcoming

Cold and hateful

Which are you?

My guess is the latter

I’m not trying to sound bitter

Only you’ve turned me

I just wanted your consideration

I hope you’re happy with her

When you realize your mistake

I’ll be long gone

You had your chance

I am better than this

Once you see the distance you allowed

Will you know I am not coming back?

The damage is done

You will have to live with your decision

Hot Pink Stiletto

I sat on the floor playing with a naked Barbie doll that had one neon pink stiletto hanging on by the toe. One of my older brothers had stolen all of her clothing so that now her perfectly rounded boobs were perpetually on display along with her smoothed over would be vagina or “who-who” as Mom called it back then. For the hundredth time, I tried to jam the shoe back on to the foot with my brows fowled out of frustration.

            Mommy, can always make it stay.

            Fifteen minutes had passed since she’d sat me on the floor and told me to play with my doll before going outside. I jumped onto the back of the couch and strained to look out the corner of the window, moving around for different angles. Up and down trying to catch a glimpse of Mom. She was too far away for me to see so I ran to the front door, throwing it open. My bare feet burned on the hot dirt, we couldn’t get grass to grow ever, as I hopped off the porch too see where Mom had gone.

            She was standing in our rock driveway, leaning through the window of my Dad’s Oldsmobile. They were talking swiftly, unaware of my presence. As I got closer, he lifted his head and saw me. I waved excitedly.

            That’s why Mommy didn’t want me to come outside. She wanted Daddy to be a surprise.

            Mom straighten and starting back up the driveway to meet me. As she got closer I could see the blotches on her cheeks. Raising my arms, she lifted me into her chest. “What’s wrong? Isn’t Daddy staying?” I asked looking over her shoulder as the Oldsmobile backed slowly out of the driveway then sped up the street.

            “He said he doesn’t love me anymore.” She responded opening the door again and sitting me back on the floor, this time turning on the T.V.  Kicking the Barbie and the stiletto as she passed, she disappeared behind the bedroom door and didn’t return.