I sat on the floor playing with a
naked Barbie doll that had one neon pink stiletto hanging on by the toe. One of
my older brothers had stolen all of her clothing so that now her perfectly
rounded boobs were perpetually on display along with her smoothed over would be
vagina or “who-who” as Mom called it back then. For the hundredth time, I tried
to jam the shoe back on to the foot with my brows fowled out of frustration.
Mommy, can always make it stay.
Fifteen
minutes had passed since she’d sat me on the floor and told me to play with my
doll before going outside. I jumped onto the back of the couch and strained to
look out the corner of the window, moving around for different angles. Up and
down trying to catch a glimpse of Mom. She was too far away for me to see so I
ran to the front door, throwing it open. My bare feet burned on the hot dirt,
we couldn’t get grass to grow ever, as I hopped off the porch too see where Mom
had gone.
She
was standing in our rock driveway, leaning through the window of my Dad’s
Oldsmobile. They were talking swiftly, unaware of my presence. As I got closer,
he lifted his head and saw me. I waved excitedly.
That’s why Mommy didn’t want me to come
outside. She wanted Daddy to be a surprise.
Mom
straighten and starting back up the driveway to meet me. As she got closer I
could see the blotches on her cheeks. Raising my arms, she lifted me into her
chest. “What’s wrong? Isn’t Daddy staying?” I asked looking over her shoulder
as the Oldsmobile backed slowly out of the driveway then sped up the street.
“He
said he doesn’t love me anymore.” She responded opening the door again and
sitting me back on the floor, this time turning on the T.V. Kicking the Barbie and the stiletto as
she passed, she disappeared behind the bedroom door and didn’t return.
